Doing better today...

Well, this am i woke up and am doing better... the arm is fine......WEIRD.... but we are good... i have some issues with my throat this am, feels like there is something caught in there.....BUT over all, the steriods seems to be working...

got a few one handed projects done yesterday and found out you can sweep pretty good with one hand.......LOL>.. and this am i woke up the the tv with a preacher yelling about strength.....LOL....

i fell asleep watching law and order and woke up this am with the preacher....

topic was about matthew... can't remember the exact verse... but it was "god will not put on ou more than you can bear"... DH has told me that sooomany times in the past... over many man different things.. and we have survived them all...and yesterday i was cring because i was soooo mad....i had been having a great time, plaaing with the kids, scrapbooking, mowing the yard, cleaning the house, auctions, fishing,....the list goes on......but then the relaps came and i was NOT ready for it.....SO today i wake up doing better and yes it maybe the meds but he.. God gave me good sense to take them.....so either way i will attribut it to that......LOL...

Kind of stupid to worship a pill anyway.......LOL...

i know i was supposed to do daily chats here, but i just can't seem to keep up right now.. so i will try to improve...LOL...

My little puppy that DH gave me for valentines day is almost 9 months old now and has went into heat....UGH... but i hate having them fixed untill they do, becaus eit changes something baout them... takes away the puppyness...>LOL. And the vets don't like doing the surgery when they are in heat, so this 2 weeks is making me NUTs... i have 2 boy dogs....and keeping them all seperated is not easy...LOL..

traded a flat rate envie of inserts for a flat rate envie o f scrapbooking supplies, and they were great.....made my cutest one yet i think....one da i will get myself together and actually figure out how to post pics on here and show what i have done.....LOL..

well DH is home and i want to visit before bed.... feels like i never can get enough time with him and that makes me nuts... but in the same sentace, if it is too much time with him he gets on my nerves...LOL...it has been a really really long, but short 17 ears of a love hate relationship........LOL>..talk about your oxymorons...LOL...

peace


stephanie

wellllll crud.............

not much for today...started relaps about 2 das ago... on steriods now and lost the use of my right arm......hoping the steriods kick it into to gear.....hurts likre something and on the baclafin again...arm burns constantly and can't lift it..hand is fixed in one position..typing with left hand and it takes forever..also lost balance........again.......kids start school in one week.....come on...please go awa soon.....got kids doing the trades and post there.....shhhhh....lol... well, that is about all, everything else is pretty good.. i was doing tons better with the depression... but mabr i can keepn it up with the bad arm and all...i am so tired i can't keep up......lol.. well, maybe tomorrow it will get better.l if not i guess i will go see the dr.. nothing hean do though.......soooooooooocrapppppppppp...............

stephanie

trying it again

yesterday i typed a whole new post and then it would not go thru.....UGH...lol..

anyways,, i had a great day yesterday..

got up early and went shopping with my mom.. it was great.. did not last very long, but we had a great time...

kids were actually well behaved and nice to each other and it was a pretty good day all together...

today i got up, went out side and mowed the back yard....it am about to fall over dead tired...LOl.. can't ride in teh back only push mow.... forgot about putting the pool infornt of the gate........DUH!!!....lol.. but it is small anywyas, and not much room to move the rider in there... so pushing is about as good as it gets... now the front yard/...NOT GOING TO HAPPEN......way way toooo big.....lol..

finally getting some more chores done around here... and it is HOT.... the house is cool, but out side is NASTY.......i can't do the heat anymore... makes me sicka nd zaps what energy i have in about 5 mins... then i feel like crap the rest of the day......

started trading whiole inserts instead of cut ones... and only doing auctions now as well... seems to be working out ok.... a little much needed money and way way less stress and time....

DH is off again tonight, so i am not sure what we will be doing, but hopefully it will be easy....i am sooo tired....LOL...alli want is a nap... but i have to go get more inserts and make a trip to the PO...

kids are being pretty nice to each other again today.... i am SOOOOO hoping that it will last for a while.... i think they are tired of each other...LOL...we live in the boone docks... and we have no neighbors to speak of.... so unless we go somewhere they have to get along or be lonley...LOL...

well, that is about all for today.. i got on a small nap..only about 10 mins, but it felt pretty good...

stephanie

a good kind of tired...

I am SOOOOOO tired...LOL... Dh was home for the past 4 days and we have got tons done on the house...and have started working on the trim in the hall and living room...

i fiinally got my new cricut carttridge in... IT IS SOOO NEAT...

we spent these past 2 days in world war 3.... raising a teen is NOT fun.. I LOVE him sooo much and while i totally understand, he has hit that age (15) of rudeness, "i am always"right.. i will do what i want...etc.etc..etc...

it is very very trying..but i know that we will ge tthru it, but i wonder if ihave made it all these years sober.. only to GO BACK To drinking.............lol.... and the great and CRAZY thing is... i have 2 more comming right along behind him...LOL...one more boy and one GIRL...

while i am very thankful for the fact that they are alive and well, i sometimes miss the sweet little innocent children they were...

but i can't wait to see what kind of adults they turn out to be...

well, moving on....

i am still trying to make my life easier, i have adjusted my coupon trades to whole inserts and auctions only... unless kaykine needs something....LOL...hello kayline....

and that seems to e working great.... i still make the much needed funds, but it is sooo much easier... count shove them in an envie and mail them out.....LOL...still trying to figure out the price to charge...

MS seems to be doing fine... a little tired, but i think that is from working my behind off... i hung and wired 3 celing fans this week all in one day...DH said that it was up to me , because electricity is NOT his thing......LOL...

For the first time in my life, i am actually interested in what my house looks like... if things match etc.... and although i KNOW nothing is the way it should be, i am happy with it.... it will never make better home s and gardens, but i like it......LOL

well, i want to get about a thousand things done today and i will not get anything done if i sit here... time to go pull the inserts and be done with that....

stephanie

i don't get it.....

I hate forggetting things... today i so royally ticked off the super mod on my fav site....i feel like ccrap... i did not mean to forget....i just did... i don't take care of the bills anymore because i forget to pay them.. i don't make appointments anymore because i forget to go to them... i thought the only thing i had left was my stupid coupons...and now i screwed that up.... i get really tired of screweing up....sometimes i feel that i will never have a mind again... i can't even keep up with something as menial as coupons........ thank heavens i did not mess up a trade....or i would never be able to do it again...

i cna't stop crying and feel like crap..my hands are shaking and i HATE HATE this whole things......

tthe kids look at me like i am nuts because i just keep crying but it was important to me... it was something i oculd do.....even thoguh i had slowed down...i mean they are not mean or anything.. but how do i say that that was the last thing i could that i was good at and that brought in some extra money... can you imagine me getting a realy JOB..??? oh dear boss i forgot to come in?????? i don't bloody think so....

some times life just stinks....
maybe tomorrow will be better.....

and after all that... i went to posted delete on all my post and they don't even do that... now she has oto go back naf fix something else i screwed up........

stephanie

My footprint..

I like to think that i will leave this world, imparting knowledge to at least a few people that will put it to good use...I am no Mother Teresa, no Eisenstein, and definitely no great hero of the world...I am just a mom, a wife, a daughter....

I am but one person on this earth... Nothing special, in the whole scheme of things...Just one lone woman..What mark will i leave?? Will i leave children that will carry on my name with honor?? Will I leave thoughts with them that will remind them thaat they can be anything they want to be?? That they are strong and weak at the same time.. That they alone are responsible for all they do...

Will they be understanding, and caring..Forgive others just because? Will they treat others with respect and love?

I hope so. For that is the reason i am here, to teach them all i can before i leave this world. To guide and teach with out prejiduce...To love them with all my heart..To try to make them see that we are all human.. That All life has feelings. No race, sex,religion, is better than the other.. That mother earth, is not our human waste can..That nothing last forever except love.. Love of life, love of one another, love of the world...

Will they walk in my foot prints or will they make their own?? I hope they make their own, just bigger and better than mine... For i am just one lone woman, but i will leave behind 3 children to make their own set of prints... And those 3 children can leave behind 3 more sets of prints, and their children can make theirs and so on and so on...


stephanie

Certain Humourous axioms....

lets define:

certain.... SURE, unquestionable...

Humorous: full of, or characterized by humor,funny, or comical.

axiom: a self evident truth or principle

******************************************************************************

SO i was sure that i could beat this MS/ depression thing... started my blog, alerted all my friends, posted on my favorite web site...grabbed a book, planned my day to keep busy, planned a day to visit mom..opened the curtain to let the sunshine in,. you know, all the things suggested to help keep your spirits high..

Woke up.. felt great... a little naggin in my back , but other wise fine...

DH came in about 7 am and we had coffee.. etc, then decided to go look at our room to see what we could do with all the scrapbooking shelves and tables, and how to rearrange our room so that it will all fit....Since he works nights and sleeps in the day, i decided to lay down and snuggle for a bit with him...turned over towards him and my back cracked like a huge limb on a tree in a storm.....UGH

OK...FINE... i will deal with it.. the pain is awful, but i have had worse...

Got in the shower, (that was supposed to help)..and can you believe that i dropped EVERYthing I HAD TO USE........razor,shampoo, conditioner, soap..????

i had to bend all the way down to get it....yes, i am only 5 feet and maybe 2 inches, but let me tell you, it is still a LONG way down........lol...

So i get all the shower thing done, and decide to come sit on the laptop for a few and enjoy some of the sun and plan the chores for the rest of the day.....have to keep the house clean and with 3 kids...

so i sat here at the table making my chores list..assigning chores...the sun is not srtong but it is early...

DD (dear daughter) wakes up crying with an ear ache, cross her name off the list... try to assign her chores between me and the boys..

My back keeps hurting, cross off a few unecessary items, who need to mop anyways??

BAck to the list.. laundry, mow, etc..

the sun that was shining a few min ago, has went behind a cloud..the silence is disturbed by a loud bang and the rain came down.....
mark off mowing and laundry... (dryer broke and lets help the enviroment as much as possible, at least untill winter, and hey save those dollars for cricut stuff and dr bills)..lol

So lets see... call mom, plan a visit,... mom is sick...some kind of intestinal virus, THAT i definatly don't want....cross that off the list...

Gather the boys, so that we can "speed clean"..get it all done asap, so we are free the rest of the day....

Logged on to my laptop , brought up my favorite web site, and YEP, you guessed it.. it is down for a few days, getting a new server.......UGH..logged off...

ok, lets scrapbook... now where is all MY STUFF???/ oh yeah.. bundled up in totes for the time being so it would not get ruint..fine lets dig it all out...may as well do something...

get it all out.. and get one page done. Mental alarm goes off...time to wake up DH , cook dinner, pack his lunch, make his stuff, feed the kids, etc....

do all that and it is time to put away ALL that scrapbook stuff....UGH...

send the kids to the pool for a little quite time....DD says no, her ear hurts.. grabbs a scrabble game.....Seriously?? at 6 pm??ok,no biggie... lets play.....I LOST to a 10 year old...doesn't matter that i spent all my energy making HER words.......LOL..

Boys come in... "UGH you played scrabble with her and not us?"...."no honey , i planned on playing a game with each of you.....".."ok lets' play".....

while i totally enjoy playing with the kids... why did it have to be scrabble? not only do i have what i call holes in my brain (lesions) i am tired, cranky, dissapointed about the day, worried that i am having a relapse, and that vacation is going to be a huge mess, bills, depression ,, etc...

SO i take my turn with each of the boys..( i lost both of these as well). at 10:15 pm we have finally got things cleaned up , all games played, teeth brushed, etc... Surrender the laptop to DS so he can play his fav game.. feed the dogs one more time, blah b;ah blah....

get changed settle in to bed, and grab my book... FINALLY, something i am looking forward to for just me.....like i said I LOVE playing with the kids...but i wanted something that required no menta or physical challenges.......to be laying in a prone position, with heating pad on my back...

The book, is one by an author i have read before with existing characters... so i am ready... can't wait to see what crime they are solving next... get a few pages in, and WAM......

reporter has what?? A disease...... he has to use cruches, and now he is in the hospital..... why is he in the hospital???... he was sitting at the desk in the news room and he went blind......

yes BLIND... in the blink of an eye......what caused this???

YOU GUESSED IT.......MS>>>>>>>>>. The one thing i am trying to get away from is sitting right htere in the book i was going to USE to get AWAY from it....the never ending thoughts of my own MS>.....................

and of all the things......... my biggest fear that can come with MS... BEING BLIND.......

i mean come on.....the ancient Greek's would have said it was a conspiracy of the GODS ... that they had done something to deserve this day.....i would have to agree but then i would be more depressed thinking of all the things i could that would explain what i had done to deserve it....

So i choose to look at it this way,

I have spent a day watching the angels cry (rain) for those that have it worse,

playing with my children,

even though i KNOW they had to be cheating.. i mean come on, i have a college degree , graduated with honors and the are only 10,12 and 15....and i LOST.. so i learned a valuable lesson.. MY CHILDREN CHEAT...watch them like hawks......

learning that the house doesn't have to be perfect...(like i did not already know that)...

remembering that there was life before the Internet..( fav site being down)

and choosing to think that instead of the Gods being against me, they are reminding me that i cannot hide from my problems... instead i have to face them head on and just hope that the things i see today ( and every day after) and somehow permanently etched in my brain... the smile on my DD face when she announced that she won...

the sly, waiting look on my sons face, when he was waiting for me to figure out that he had made the word FART on the board... and the joy on his little brothers face when he too seen the shock on my face when i read the word FART..........LOL....

and the very precious time i spent snuggling to DH... because if not for those moments, i would be lost.. that is my safety net when all else is this world is going wrong.. the place where i still feel the safest after all these years..where no matter the arguments, the fusses, the fears, he always lets me lay..where nothing else matters except hearing his heart beat and knowing that while he may not always understand, he is there...

this was after all a very great day.........

Stephanie

My very first Blog post...8/2/09

HI,

This is my own personal blog page ... if you know me you know my typing stinks, and i mis spell just about everything....this page has been created for my own personal benefit.......there is no set topic here, just what i feel like talking about that day....i may post once or more in a 24 hour time period...

For those of you who don't know, or for those of you who care... i have MS..i am in my 4th month of DX..(diagnosis) I have been having trouble with depression and i HATE taking meds..So i am doing "therapy " on my own untill that is no longer an option..

if you don't know what MS is , please feel free to check out these links..

http://www.nationalmssociety.org/

http://www.nmss.org/

there are many more out there, but they pretty much all say the same...

Also, even though i have a great family , i have only online friends...so since that is where they are, that is where i am...online.....LOL..

IF you already know me you are prob from one of these sites,

WUC, HCW, or AFC.. OR ever lasting PYP...if not they are great sites,if you are into saving money and making friends...

If you can't take the heat please stay out of this BLOG...

this blog had a "adult rating" because i may or may not talk about things you may not want your children to read..sex, (or lack of)..LOL..intestinal issues, blood and guts... (every time the stab me with those needles.. and i loose my lunch...depression... etc...

But i want to also talk about the things in life that are great... hopefully with help, i will have MANY of those days...

I have 3 WONDERFUL children, a DH (dear husband) for 17 years... and a wonderful set of parents that LOVe ME BEYOND BELIEF... and a 17 year old litttle sis, that i dearly love..

i like to talk about them... even on the days that they DRIVE ME NUTS.......

i also have 2 other sisters that... well, after all they are blood...so there maybe a day that i include them in here some where... it may not be pretty......LOL...

for now i will leave it at this and get myself going and begin the day.....

thanks for the interest in my blog... (or lack of if no one reads it)...lol..

oh a few things...

if you have nothing positive to say, please don't post...
i am not interested in your "miracle cures".. God will either provide me with HIS , or i will learn to make my own way..

Please please try to refrain from using horrible language... i may occasionally say a bad word, and so may you, but please don't fill my blog with nasty....My mother may read this.......LOL

thanks for looking....

stephanie